Arkivi i Lëvizjes LGBTI+ në Kosovë

The Support (storytelling)

April 4, 2024

To communicate with people about my feelings, to communicate with people who have pushed me and made me feel abnormal, these people who have never wanted to understand what you want to express, and everything that I wanted to express was myself. I have not been able to communicate with people about my feelings for a long time, even though I never thought that what I feel was “abnormal”.

I realised and accepted my feelings for girls at a very young age, since I was a teenager, and I have never felt bad about it. But the fact that I couldn’t communicate with people about my feelings, that’s what made me feel bad.

 A prison of feelings. I felt trapped, caught in a trap, and in this trap I had to hide the truth, and all this was difficult. It’s been difficult because I’ve felt like I’m betraying the trust of the people I’m close to.

I started showing and communicating about what I feel. I left the prison in which I was incarcerated. The beginning of all this was difficult because I didn’t even know how to convince people to understood that all I feel is love. I felt bad when the people I tried to communicate with received my love as something bad, something so bad that they tried to convince me that what I feel is not normal. But that didn’t stop me from expressing myself, that didn’t put me back in the prison of feelings from which I had just come out. On the contrary, this pushed me even more to continue and open up about my feelings, because what they were saying was not true, because despite their words, what I am feeling is normal and I am normal.

I talked to my little brother and he welcomed me,we have been very good friends since kids, that’s why I decided to talk to him first. My elder brother discovered it himself, he saw the flag I was carrying in the room, and as I had expected from him, he started making a big deal of it. He started talking bad to me and then he approached me even worse, all because of the fact that I am a lesbian. I had a hard time at first because my brother didn’t accept what I am. But , over time I got used to this reality.

My biggest fear was how would my mother expected it, and if she wouldn’t accepted me as I am, then that’s whatwould hurt me the most. I told her and I know she couldn’t understand me at first, but she didn’t show her displeasure even then. Although for her it was something that she did not think that her daughter has been, she started to see in a different perspective than what she thought all her life and today she is very okay with my feelings. She accepted me and continues to love me as always, and her love for me is a pillar on which I have always relied.

I am measuring all these confrontations that I had, in terms of support, I am surprised when I have met people who try to love you the way you are, and they are with you regardless of who you love. These are the same people who push you to express yourself and give you support so that you can walk the streets with the person you love. I will always be grateful to these people.