Being gay, young and talking about your relationships with men in Kosovo, ironically resembles with, let’s say ‘the slaves of the king who talk about their love towards his daughter’. This comparison might sound funny in the beginning, but young people as me, who are part of our society, know exactly what I am talking about! It might be the bare fact of the difficulties to achieve this that increases the tendency and the frustration to make possible either the relationships or simply the dates.‘We can only meet after 10 o’clock’, ‘It would be good if we reduce our unnecessary walking’s along the crowded streets where we can be seen’, ‘We can only meet on X places or situations’, ‘Take care with the messages you send me on my phone’, ‘If you text me on Facebook, be sure that the message has no gay content’, and lots of other phrases which come immediately after you meet a gay man in Kosovo.
Unfortunately, these phrases, which have become the lifestyle of young gay men in Kosovo, have the tendency to over strain you and your desire to make these relationships with you partner work out. Thus, you like it or not, even if you were more romantic than the ones from the Romanticism, you become part of the dates with the intention of ending in bed and having some ‘underground’ moments, with the person that you most probably, would love to kiss in the middle of the streets. I remember the best date of my life, a date that was the result of a Facebook chat, from my fake profile, of course! Since the beginning of the conversation, he seemed different to me, and so, after exchanging some words, we decided to meet, even though we hadn’t even seen each other on the camera’. ‘What can I say? I am very handsome’ – he said. ‘Well, I can assure you that I might not be more handsome than you, but I am as handsome as that’ – I said joking.. We met to that fixed place and it didn’t take long before we felt the need for some privacy.
If it would have been possible, I would transfer all the inhabitants of Pristina to some other place, so there could be only the two of us, enjoying everything that night. But the circumstances, the mentality and anything else did not stop us from actualizing the wish that had been clear from the very first words that we had exchanged. We were ready for a long relationship, but of course, the complications started knocking on our door. ‘If you meet me with this X person, do not say hi. He knows my dad and he likes controlling my friendships, as well’, ‘We should take care on how close we are during the lectures, we might catch our colleagues’ eye’, ‘Why did you have to send that message with such a content’, ‘We cannot visit this X bar, I think the waiters have already understood what we are and are looking strangely at us’. It was these and other factors, forced by the circumstances that started affecting the idea of having a monogamy relationship. It is these difficulties that force us to fight towards the free lives we dream of. It is these factors that make me, personally, fight till the day that I’ll be able to introduce my boyfriend to whomever I meet. ‘The forbidden apple’ is always more powerful and more charming than the one that you can freely bite, especially if the desire for it comes from the bottom of your heart.